BASEBALL: Oakland at Minnesota (My Hangover)

What a weekend. I have a football hangover. Why did I watch so much? It tasted so good going down. I know I need to get off this bar stool and go home. My head hurts. I need a day away from this to prove I can do without that firewater known as sports. I dunno. Maybe I'll just have one. A quick drink of something light before I leave. It might even help my hangover.

Maybe a wine cooler? That's not too strong. I barely even notice them these days. "Bartender, get me a Bartles and James -- baseball flavor please." I haven't had one of those around here in a long time. And make it that Oakland-Minnesota game. Don't worry about the pitchers. They have long names and it only makes my hangover worse to try to spell Saaaaaarlos. They're not named Zito or Santana so what does it matter? The A's and Twins have both been on fire since the All Star break. This could be a playoff preview. Ouch! This sports hangover is killing me. I said too much. I'm going home.

"Bartender, here's your tip: put your money on Oakland. That Frank Thomas is really hot." And so is my head. See ya'll tomorrow.

I better take something for this headache. Maybe a Jessica Alba. Yeah, that's good stuff. I feel better already.